


Love of my Life

by Immovable_McLennon



Category: The Beatles (Band)
Genre: Angst, December 8 1980, F/M, First fic (in this fandom), Linda tries to help, M/M, Martha is cute, Paul suffers, Queen - Love of my Life, Queen is not helping, The McCartney girls are mentioned, Where’s James? I don’t know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 20:13:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17210174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Immovable_McLennon/pseuds/Immovable_McLennon
Summary: Paul after he got that dreaded phone call. Linda tries to help. Martha is cute. Queen doesn’t help.





	Love of my Life

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first fic for the McLennon fandom. I really hope you like it (and leave a comment) even if it is sort of depressing.

When Linda got back from school run on the 9th of December 1980, she found her husband on the couch in the living room, with Martha curled up at his feet. Linda had found it odd that Martha hadn’t come to greet her at the door like she usually would but a few weird things had already happened this morning so she didn’t question it too much. First her daughters had asked, completely out of the blue, whether uncle John would come to visit soon. Then when they actually arrived at school Linda had noticed that some of the other parents were looking at her strangely. Linda put that down to being a McCartney even though this kind of staring hadn’t happened in some time. The novelty of having the McCartney children in this school had worn off long ago. And now Martha didn’t wait for her at the door. But as soon as Linda’s eyes fell on her husband she understood their dog. Paul looked like he had seen a ghost. Staring into nothing with a haunted look on his face. Martha must have sensed that something was wrong with her owner and was trying to comfort him by being there. 

“Love,” Linda said almost whispering, not wanting to scare Paul. He didn’t look like he even noticed that his wife had come home.  
“Paul,” she tried again when he still didn’t react but she spoke a bit louder. This time he turned his head in her direction but his eyes didn’t look like they recognised what was happening around him. This scared Linda. She thought she had seen her husband at his worst. After The Beatles had broken up he had been depressed. Drinking as soon as he got out of bed, if he managed to get out of bed at all. Not showering, shaving or generally taking care of himself. Blaming himself for everything and having no confidence left. But this right now might be even worse, Linda concluded. Back then Linda had usually been able to get through to her husband. He would acknowledge her even if it was just to tell her that she didn’t understand how he felt and to ask where they kept more booze. Now Paul seemed to have forgotten that there were still things happening around him.

Trying to get some sort of reaction out of her husband, Linda sat down next to him. Martha looked at her before she started whining and nudging Paul’s foot with her head. It was as though she was telling Linda to please do something. So in an attempt to get Paul out of his reverie Linda turned on the TV, not expecting to see what she saw next. Every headline screamed the same.  
**“John Lennon shot dead outside his New York apartment”**  
This is when there was finally some movement happening next to Linda. Paul snatched the remote control from her hands, turned off the offending machine and then curled up into a ball. He closed his eyes as though he could make the headlines and pictures in his head vanish like this.

Linda didn’t know what to think. How could this happen? Why John? What should she do now? Her husband didn’t look like he knew what to do either. Who could blame him though? This was John. His John! She had seen them together. At their best when she was just a fan, at their worst when she was present in the studio during Let it Be, when it got bitchy in the early seventies, and finally when they got it back together just a few years ago. This was not supposed to happen. 

While Linda was still lost in her thoughts, her husband got up and shuffled into the music room, where he locked the door. Of course, Linda berated herself, of course her husband would need music. This was his way to connect with John, it had always been. Just to make sure that he wouldn’t do anything incredibly stupid, Linda got the spare key for the music room she had made during Paul’s post-Beatles depression and sat outside the room. 

She didn’t want to spy on Paul but she had learned the hard way that he could do incredibly stupid things when he didn’t know how to handle his emotions anymore. That’s when she had the extra key made. So she could access the room in case of emergencies. She never went in without permission, unless Paul really left her no other choice. Like that time he got blind drunk, fell asleep and nearly choked on his own vomit. She would not risk that again. At least now she knew that Paul didn’t have any alcohol stored in there. But you never knew what the mind was capable of when in distress. And so Linda sat on the floor and listened to what her distraught husband was doing. 

Inside Paul turned on the radio. He went to a station of which he knew that they played music only. He didn’t want to hear anymore news headlines about his best friend. The first few songs went by without Paul really noticing what he was listening to. It didn’t matter. He just didn’t want to think. But then he was suddenly struck by one song and he couldn’t hold back the sobs anymore. For the first time this morning Paul cried when he heard the opening bars to “Love of my Life” by Queen.

_“Love of my life, you've hurt me_  
_You've broken my heart_  
_And now you leave me_  
_Love of my life, can't you see?_  
_Bring it back, bring it back_  
_Don't take it away from me_  
_Because you don't know_  
_What it means to me”_

_____ _

__

“Why John? Why did you have to leave me? AGAIN!”, Paul cried out while listening to the song that just seemed to mock him. It’s just not fair. He had just gotten him back. Why did he have to leave again? 

Outside the door Linda didn’t understand what had happened to make her husband break down like this. On one hand she was relieved because he had to stop bottling his emotions up, on the other hand she was concerned about what had led to this. He usually needed much more time. So she tried to listen more closely to determine what made Paul react like this and when she heard Freddie’s voice and understood what song was playing, everything fell into place. 

_“Love of my life, don't leave me_  
_You've stolen my love, you now desert me_  
_Love of my life, can't you see?_  
_Bring it back, bring it back (back)_  
_Don't take it away from me_  
_Because you don't know_  
_What it means to me_

_____ _

_You will remember_  
_When this is blown over_  
_Everything's all by the way_  
_When I grow older_  
_I will be there at your side to remind you_  
_How I still love you (I still love you)_  
_I still love you”_

_____ _

“I do Johnny. And I always will,”  Paul got out between sobs. “I love you so much and don’t you forget it.”  
This is when Linda decided to use her key. She knew that Paul was not in mortal danger now, not like he had been then, but she had to be with Paul. She had to at least tell him that she knew. She had to tell him so he could talk to her about it. Because she was sure that no one else knew. She didn’t think they ever told anyone, not even George and Ringo. She didn’t know everything and she didn’t have to but she was sure that it would help Paul if he didn’t have to carry that secret anymore. Especially now.

_“back, hurry back_  
_Don't take it away from me_  
_Because you don't know what it means to me_  
_Love of my life_  
_Love of my life”_

_____ _

“He really was, wasn’t he?”, she asked softly. This time Paul actually realized that she was there.  
“Linda?”, he asked, his eyes wide with shock. “I… It’s not… We…”  
“I know Paul. It’s alright. I know! And before you start, I know that you love me and I love you, too. But right now, it’s about John. And I know that,” Linda said, pulling her husband into her arms and rocking him slightly.  
“Why did he leave me, Lin?”, Paul sobbed into her shoulder.  
“I don’t know, honey. But he’ll be watching over you now. He’ll be with your mum and dad,” Linda said, hoping to offer some sort of comfort.  
“I love him so much,” Paul went on as if he didn’t hear what Linda said. “Did he still love me? Did he still care for me as much as I care for him?”  
“Oh he did, love. Haven’t you heard his last interview? He said that he would do anything for you and that he knew that you would do the same. And you know what they found in his hand, when they brought him to the hospital? It was his ‘I love Paul’ button. Remember that? He was clutching it as though it was a lifeline. He loved you so much Paul. You really were the love of his life.” 

_____ _


End file.
